Incomplete

I know how it feels
to want something so bad you once had, & now a part of you is gone, that'll never be the same
And unintentionally, you block out the rest of the world
because your mind is like tunnel vision
with you at the end
I know how it feels
to have the weight of the world, not on your shoulders
but right on your heart
& you use a shield of indifference to protect you from the weakness, but you give in
& you fall to your knees
suffused with overwhelming emotions, praying to God that everything will get better
but deep inside you know it never will
i know how it feels
to have everyone seem to know everything about you
but they only know what they see
so you fake a smile & you pretend to laugh things off
but every minute that goes by is another minute of lost love
I know how it feels
to have no idea of what will happen next
to be stuck
guarded by walls and there's no way out
prisoner of your own mentality
To wake up each morning & wish you hadn't
I know how it feels
to be out of place
where "home" is no longer [home)
but is where you long to be
they say love beyond your heart. love through your soul
so does love not exist
when your soul is incomplete?

Spring Break :)

Soo Spring Break just can't get here So far, im going to the beach & I'm bringing Nia & Talia down to Lake Wylie, South Carolina with me to visit my aunt. It should be pretty fun. Was suppose to go to Maryland BUT I decided I'd rather go over the summer, but my moms all "You have to get a job over the summer" -_- whatever. The weather's starting to look a lot nice & I'm ready to go swimingggg!! Hopefully spring break wont be tcoo awkward /: I have a feeling it will be [sigh) but all I can do is hope for the best & pray that our friendship will get better.

My life's been pretty hectic since the last time I blogged. But for now, it's pretty good. Except for the daily shit I have to put up with...But I'm still here so i guess that counts for something huh?

Counting down the days until spring break...THEN SUMMER:D

Motherless Child

Who’s got a shoulder when I need to cry
I feel restless and I don't know why
Cry for help, but still feel alone
Like a motherless child along way from home
Lord I'm lost I can't find my way
I'm dealing with the struggles in my day to day
My soul is weak and I wanna be strong
I try to run away but I've been running to long

Valentines Day

So Valentines Day is literally in 10 days. I've been asked by a handful of people to be their 'valentines' & take pictures, of course I couldn't say yes because of Wilson. I honestly have no idea what's going on with me and him at the moment. Gonna roll with it and see what the deal is,'cause at the moment i just don't know./: Shit, may just buy roses and chocolates for my damn self & act surprised and EVERYTHING. Hahahaha. Naw, I'm messin. I remember last year, BaJon came in the middle of my first period & brought me a dozen roses and chocolates. My face was probably as red and the flowers. Lolol. It was cute:)
Definitely gonna get some 'people' some valentines stuff, even if we're not 'together' Even pimps have their romantic side :D hahaha.
Soooo I'll let ya'll know how that day goes when it gets here, until then, I'ma stay pimpin baby. Lmao.

Need You Now

As i read her post, tears my ran down my face from both happiness and sadness. Kinda like a bittersweet type moment. I said it 'caught me off guard' because shes not the type to open up. i forgive her. That was the most sincere and sweetest things shes ever said . . .oh Gawd, making me cry.

Hah, I told her my middle name too.
Gonna try to catch some Zzzz's now. Goodnight.

:)

Wow. Where on Earth do I start?? I guess from the beginning. I remember the FIRST day we met, Freshmen Orientation & she was going on and on about Cornell notes. It was annoying me, until she started talking about Ms. Clark. Lol. I guess she thought i was paying attention when i raised my hand, just thought she should know her shoes were that FYI. Hahah.
So we started talking on facebook, not a big thing. & an occasional "Hi" in the hallways. Rumors started going around that at the first home varsity football game, we made out & she was trying to turn me out and stuff. Yea.... I FREAKED OUT.!! Hahah. It's kinda ironic now i guess.
I still remember all our crazy inside jokes, "soggy sweet bread" hahaha. i hate waffles & pancakes. & how i would go to bojangles, buy food & not even eat it just to see her. Smh. yeah i know...i had it badd. haha. & homecoming with her was the best. i couldn't have asked for a better time.
Little did I know that i would fall for her, i guess it took losing some friends, what i believed in, & my mom to figure out...it was all worth it.
We had a rough patch, it started with the fact that I didn't want to share her. I felt like the situation had turned into like, i have her on weekend, he has her on weekdays, we switch off every other week. haha. that kinda thing. & it drove me crazy. to this day she doesnt know half of the stuff i know she said about me, im gonna keep it that way. I went from loving her, to completely hating her, to missing her crazy, to hating her, Lol. & now we're just . . .good.
If you just look at my first semester in high school, it's been...wild. i dont think she realizes how much i genuinely cared about her. feels like we've been through a lot..without really going through a lot. if that makes sense *shrug*. she has a boyfriend now, & homeboy is CA-UTEEE hahah. :) she seems happy. well, at least thats the impression shes giving off. if thats the case, then im happy. Yeah, i miss her. but i talk to her like everyday now. lol. but shes in my life, so no complaints heree. going off to college soon & that'll be the end of it. maybe i'll get a text every now and then when she leaves(: haha. I just wish things could've...worked out. wish i could go back..& change some things..


ohh btw. in this pic...first football game at riverside. her hair looks great, i guess i like short hair better...haha i remember when she got extensions, i didnt recognize her.

Nia Scott ♥

Nia Imani Scott. [She's gonna kill me for putting her middle name out there] ;) I feel like I it would be an understatement if I called this girl my best friend. I don't know what I would do without her, she's been there for me when I didn't want to be there for myself. She probably knows me better than I do. haha. We've always had eachother's backs & yeah we've had our share of ups and downs but at the end of the day, I'm gonna love this girl until the day I die. Nia, if I haven't told you before, thank you. & I love you hunz.

This is my Reflection class on wacky tacky day (: Chorus is pretty much...amazing. I want to be a Siren more than anything! Auditions last year were the same day & time as cheer try-outs. & i guess i felt like cheer was more important. haha. I've been working my butt off, i heard the auditions are intense & harder for girls. of course. on top of the fact, that i dont think Ms. Boliek likes me very much. I joined the script committee, so I'm excited about that. I wont be too disappointed if i dont make Sirens, BUT, i sure hope so. Cross your fingerrrsss.

Second Chance

It's only been a few days since you've left
feels like forever
& the painful feeling in my stomach when i think of every word
every day
every smile
we shared
to know that there will be no more, drives me insane
i wrap myself inside your blanket, so I can feel some part of you and absorb in your scent
& i listen to the same message on my answering machine
just so I won't forget your voice
I reread letters you sent to remember your hand writing
I yearn to kiss your lips. just once.
my desire for you to hold me in your arms to a never-ending song
that only we can hear,
is beyond be loving you
because you were my reason for waking up every morning
& going a day without talking to you was impossible
your touch makes me weak
& some nights i reach out for you, just to realize that you aren't there
& i sink back into my sheets and cry myself to sleep
because i know that you will never come back
& if i were to be near you again, i would ask for a second chance
to love you harder than possible, and never ever let you go

please.
give me a second chance.

~Yani

Hey Girl Estelle & John Legend

Right Now

Right now. . . at this moment. i really have no complaints. i guess things could be better, but they could also be worse. School is going really well. My report card looked really good & im loving the classes im taking now. Especially geography. Hopefully, at the rate im going, it wont take me TOO long to be in [somewhat] of a top percentage in my class. Sooooo, yeah, gotta keep the grades up if i want to go to a good college.

I thought i was going to get cheer probation. haha between you and me...im suppose to have it, but i guess they didnt count all of my demerits. we're a lot better than we were a few weeks ago, i guess we just needed someone to put their foot down, and boy did they do that! im ready for next year, when im a sophomore, TRUST things WILL get changed on that team. but for now, i guess i'll just have to accept it....because im a 'freshman' -_- lol.

This month me & this guy Wilson made [us] an official type thing. We were dating for two months, which was pretty cool. I guess it just took me two months to be fully ready for [another] relationship. So. I guess I'll see how far things go. :)

Me & Megan are talking. no no no. not like that. haha. we're. . . associates? friends? civilized? haha idk the exact word, but it's good talking to her again. maybe one day we'll work up to an 'in person' conversation. hahaha. but...one step at a time. but. she's definitely ANOTHER blog story. Lmao.

As of right now, I'm trying to live up to my new years resolution. I need to stop stressing so much. & so far i think im doing a damn good job at it. :) haha.

It's Snowingg :)

The last time I can remember it snowing like this in Durham, i was really little & me my mom and my dad were walking. except idk where to. Lol. Not really a fan of playing in the snow, I'm more of a sit back and enjoy the scenery type girl.

I've been pretty busy and stressed out lately, and a friend of mine told me to make a blog. Hey..why not, im always writing anyway! but im not gonna bore yall with my long epic life stories..just yet. haha but don't worry, they'll be coming soon.

...as for now, just gonna enjoy the snow. :)